grief one year later

grief. it’s become my constant companion this past year. it’s hard to believe but a year ago mr. style lost his battle with cancer. and i lost my spouse, my best friend, my confidante, the father to our children, and my lover. mr. style was all those things to me and so much more. they say you can never really prepare for the death of a loved one, whether the death is sudden or following a long illness. either way, in an instant, your world changes. and not for the better. one moment i’m married, cherished and loved. the next i’m single, alone and grieving. they say there are five—or is it seven—stages of grief that come knocking on your door.

  • shock
  • denial
  • bargaining
  • guilt
  • anger
  • depression
  • acceptance

and they also say the first year is the hardest because the markers of the “firsts” arrive. the first birthday, the first Christmas, the first anniversary without your loved one. this past weekend was the first anniversary of mr. style’s death, which officially closes the year of firsts. and while the pain of losing him isn’t as sharp as it was a year ago; i’m not as numb, i don’t cry as easily, and i know for sure he’s not walking through the front door one last time there are still emotions to deal with. grief isn’t linear. it doesn’t follow a timeline. and it’s personal. it comes in waves with lulls in between. losing a loved one is something that’s never truly gotten over. and that’s okay. time doesn’t heal all wounds, but it does lessen the pain. what i’ve realized this past year is that my relationship with mr. style was, is, and will always be significant. and that’s a very good thing because he forever lives on in my heart. love endures even death.

what i learned after 35 years of marriage

as i head into my second year of loss i’ve had time to reflect on the past 365 days and the grief that accompanied each and every day. one thing that i’ve learned is that it takes work to learn to live with and adjust to loss. it’s all too easy to let your emotions run your life. but at the same time, you have to work through those emotions. so i’ve learned to go easy on myself to allow myself to feel numb, sad, angry, lonely or whatever feeling comes my way.

i’ve also learned that i have to take care of myself and my physical health. because grief not only takes its toll on your emotions but your body as well. it takes work to take care of myself by eating well, exercising, and trying to get a good night’s sleep. and i’ve tried my best not to drown my sorrow by drinking excessively. this past year has been about moderation and keeping my life balanced with healthy choices.

and i’ve learned to lean on my family and friends. a good support group is a significant component for our mental health. it’s all too easy to turn inward after the death of a loved and wallow in our tears even though at times we need to do just that. it’s important to take time to reflect and process our emotions. but it’s just as important to surround yourself with people to talk to. we need to learn to reach out for help so we don’t slip into the downward spiral of depression or hopelessness. join a support group if you need to. ask your healthcare provider, hospice, or local hospital for recommendations. 

while the first year for me was all about navigating life without mr. style i think the next year will be about learning how to redefine and recreate a purposeful meaningful life as a single. for close to thirty-six years i was part of a couple. i loved being married.  i loved my husband. i loved all things great and small about being half of a dynamic duo. but now it’s down to me, myself, and i. and i feel gypped that i won’t be able to grow old with mr. style. because we were happy.

but that isn’t the life that was given to me. and now i have to figure out how to be happy without him. i have to learn new social skills as a single. i have to learn how to fit in, get out of the house, and pursue something meaningful all on my own. and that takes work. it’s scary trying to figure out a new direction. it’s hard to move forward without him. but move forward i must. maybe my future isn’t what i imagined only a short time ago. but that’s okay because i’m still trying to make sense of the senseless.

so this next year i’m going to work on new dreams and try new things. and i’ll continue to give myself space and grace if some things work and some things don’t. did i mention working through grief is work? and it’s ongoing. it doesn’t end at the year mark and most likely not the second or third because grief is my reaction to loss and it’s personal. and i’ve learned there’s no such thing as closure with the loss of a loved one. because one thing i know for certain as i move forward with my life is that i will always miss mr. style. it’s been said that grief is not only mourning your loss but getting to know yourself as a different person. and i quite agree. grief isn’t about moving on. it’s about moving forward one step at a time. it is well with my soul.




  1. Lorilee wrote:

    What a heartfelt sharing. So sorry for your loss, but deeply appreciate your insights.

    Posted 7.20.20
  2. Kathy Carter wrote:

    Such a beautiful couple- my thoughts are with you and your family.

    Posted 7.20.20
  3. Teresa wrote:

    Beth, my heart goes out to you. This is so well said. I lost my husband 10 years ago. It is such a personal journey for each of us. I love my life but am forever changed and will miss my husband every day. I still mourn all the experiences we won’t get to share but am thankful for all the wonderful things we did. Hugs.

    Posted 7.20.20
  4. Jo Anne Assini wrote:

    Thank you for such a moving post. I’d love to see even more photos of the two of you. One of my dear friends was widowed far too early and she echoed many of the same sentiments. I hope his memory and the memories of all the love and friendship continue to heal your heart.

    Posted 7.20.20
  5. Bonnie S. Holley wrote:

    Beth, God bless you as you grieve. You’ve been so brave and bold and sweet in sharing your love and loss. Thank you for your honesty. I’m sure you’ve helped others.

    Posted 7.20.20
  6. Gray wrote:

    Beth. It will always be your companion, you just carry it with you. I feel your pain. I lost my son 8 years ago and think about him and talk about him every day of every month. I am so impressed that you have carried on so valiantly and have persevered. Thank you for writing about grief. People don’t know what to do with it, and how to help their friends and loved ones. I am so glad for you that you have 3 boys to help you navigate your future without him. 💙

    Posted 7.20.20
    • Cindy wrote:

      My heart goes out to you. I can’t imagine life without my husband so I’m grieving for your loss with you. May you continue to persevere in the comfort and security of the love you have as well as the the memories of the love you had.

      Posted 7.20.20
    • Senora Rai wrote:

      So well written. Hugs to you ❣️

      Posted 7.20.20
      • Mark Voumard wrote:

        Bless your heart. I am 59 and lost my wife 14 months ago and am still a mess! She was 7 years older than I and in the year 2000, I gave her one of my kidneys to keep her alive. The drugs she had to take daily just to maintain her system just wore her wonderful heart out and one morning as I was leaving for work she asked me to please stay home and she was gone before paramedics arrived. I was alone, scared and am still dealing with a ton of emotions. I have since moved to my mothers’ who will be 80 this August and that helps but I am still raw inside and still struggle daily just to get by. Thank you for this message. I am going to print and hang by my bed to read. Mark

        Posted 7.20.20
    • Lana wrote:

      Thank you for your courage and openness to share your personal story. I am so sorry for your loss. I rarely comment however was moved by your story. I’m 46 and lost both my father and stepfather last year within a 6 months period. Your advice moved me. I miss both terribly; grief ebbs and flows. May your memories give you comfort. I have friends that have never married or had serious romantic relationships. That saddens me because they have not had the joy of being deeply loved and cherished. God bless you! Sending you virtual hugs.

      Posted 7.20.20
  7. Mary Beth Duke wrote:

    Thank you for sharing.

    Posted 7.20.20
  8. Deanna wrote:

    Blessings to you, Beth.

    Posted 7.20.20
  9. Jean wrote:

    Beth, thank you for sharing this moving and honest reflection. It is very meaningful. I am confident that you will push forward and successfully recreate your life.

    Posted 7.20.20
  10. KATY wrote:

    I can’t imagine what you’ve gone through this year. I’ve seen and been impressed with your tenacity and transparency. I’m sure many women who have gone through losing a spouse have been encouraged watching you navigate this year of firsts. Thank you for sharing your life with us.

    Posted 7.20.20
  11. Melanie wrote:

    I cried through this whole post..May you find peace in the coming year🙏🏻💕

    Posted 7.20.20
  12. Mary wrote:

    My husband been dead for 3 years. I babysat and that has helped me. I still have a strange feeling within me. Not sure what it is.

    Posted 7.20.20
  13. Lorraine wrote:

    Beautifully written! You are an amazing woman and will always be amazing. So wonderful to have such happy memories.

    Posted 7.20.20
    • Marilyn L wrote:

      A beautiful post. I lost my husband 3 years ago on 31st August. It was very suddenly and totally unexpected. I will never forget the voice that summoned me to the hospital where the last time I saw him he was sitting up in a chair laughing at a silly joke.
      My daughter is very supportive but my confidence has disappeared and I’m left with fear of rejection. Your post has made me realise I must kick start my life. At 73 I hope I have more than a few positive years left!
      Thank you for sharing.

      Posted 7.22.20
  14. Laurel Gerardi wrote:

    Beautifully written..One Year Later. Keep up the good work! I enjoy your blog so much. It’s a tough world out there and we all need to be strong. Stay classy, Laurel

    Posted 7.20.20
  15. cheryll wrote:

    Thank you for your insights, this was a good post- I look forward to your posts and reflections. Wishing you peace and contentment as you year navigate the year ahead.

    Posted 7.20.20
  16. Janis wrote:

    Beautiful blog. You will always have days though. 16 years for me and this weekend was as horrible as if it were yesterday for some reason. They are rare now but still there every now and then

    Posted 7.20.20
  17. Barbara wrote:

    Thank you for sharing personal photos, moments, and thoughts so beautifully. I’d like to keep this post in my phone, one never knows.

    Posted 7.20.20
  18. Susan wrote:

    Lovely tribute to your husband. Beautifully said. So sorry for your loss.

    Posted 7.20.20
  19. Pat Osman wrote:

    I’m so sorry for your loss of your beloved husband. I”m also a widow, Beth, and while I have a wonderful, supportive family who look out for me, once I was ready to start thinking about what the next chapter of my life was going to look like, I knew that I needed other widows in my life.
    I am a member of and I volunteer with the W Connection, a volunteer group begun by a widow and run by widows for other widows. I encourage you to check us out. In the meantime, take care.

    Posted 7.20.20
  20. Lisa wrote:

    Thank you for sharing, Beth. I am sure your words will resonate with many of your followers regardless of what their personal loss was in their lives. The photos are beautiful. Sending continued prayers. Thank you for inspiring us to get through each day in these crazy times. 😘🙏

    Posted 7.20.20
  21. Patti wrote:


    Posted 7.20.20
    • Kim wrote:

      I really appreciate your perspective on your first year of widowhood. August 1, 2020 will mark a year since my husband died. He was 48. It was sudden and unexpected. For me initially it was surviving the first months. Now I struggle with the reality that I will carry the pain of losing him for the rest of my days. His birthday was just 2 days ago. I decided I wouldn’t be sad. Instead I am thankful for his life and the one we shared. Some days are better than others. It’s hard but I know happiness is still possible. Thank you for sharing.

      Posted 7.20.20
  22. Lesa wrote:

    Good Morning Beth,

    Thank you so much for your post today. My heart is aching for you as you continue to navigate your grief journey. No one can imagine this pain unless they’ve experienced it first hand.
    I lost my precious mom in January, very unexpectedly. She was my buddy, my best friend and absolutely the most wonderful Mamaw to my children and grandchildren. I have been divorced for 22 years, so my mom was sort of my life partner. I talked to her multiple times everyday, we went shopping, to church, out to eat and so much more. She was always the last person I said goodnight to. My heart is simply broken and I am having such a hard time moving forward. I feel guilty for going on with life’s little pleasures like wearing lipstick because my precious mom just loved lipstick. I miss her so much and her passing was so unexpected. Mom was 80 but everyone guessed her to be in her 60’s.
    I’ve kept up with your blog since mom’s been gone hoping for inspiration to take care of myself. However, most days I find it a chore to brush my teeth. I am so grateful to read your words today. You give me hope and let me know I’m not alone in this horrible grieving process.
    My heart is with you as you continue to grieve the love of your life. May God bless you with the strength and courage to continue to inspire those of us who turn to you for comfort.

    All my best,


    Posted 7.20.20
  23. Linda Aulgur wrote:

    Thank you again for sharing your life experiences, it’s warm, honest and teaches us all so much, not just about fashion. I look forward each day to see it. May God continue to give you strength, and family and friends to enrich your life.

    Posted 7.20.20
  24. Catherine Rasberry wrote:

    Bless you Beth. Thank you for putting your feelings about the loss of your spouse so eloquently. I am on the same journey, but I am on my fourth year. I still sometimes cannot believe this my new reality and everynight I dream he is still alive, but it has gotten much easier. I had a lot of hardships and traumatic events immediately following my husband’s death. I am finally at a peaceful place where I am rediscovering myself. I still can’t picture my future more than a year ahead. So I focus on the day at hand. Like you said, it is time to take care of my health. I planned on finally getting my knee replaced but the pandemic has stopped it for now. In the meantime, I finally able to relax, read books, ride my stationary bike, garden and work on my new career as an ESL teacher. Take care. And thank you for sharing.

    Posted 7.20.20
  25. Susan wrote:

    At 70 years of age this is what I have learned about grief, pain. “Some wounds never heal. They just scab over and we learn to accommodate them.”

    Posted 7.20.20
  26. shirley simkus wrote:

    thank you for this beautiful posting. i am going thru the same!!!

    thinking of you!

    Posted 7.20.20
  27. Paula wrote:

    Beth,thank you for sharing your personal thought about losing your husband! Grief does not have a timeline and people go through different.
    At least your sons have been at your side.
    And thank you for continuing to post your blogs they are very helpful to me.
    Take care of yourself!

    Posted 7.20.20
  28. Martha wrote:

    Three years out and it is still a work in progress. They will always be missed but remembered with great love. Best wishes as you navigate this new phase of life — this is another thing that this isolation magnifies.

    Posted 7.20.20
  29. catherine wrote:

    With style and grace you so eloquently put into words what so many of us feel. Please continue to grieve the way it works for you. As a faithful reader, I am sending my heartfelt thoughts to you as you navigate each day.

    Posted 7.20.20
  30. Vonda Smith wrote:

    Wow, Beth! An excellent article. Thank you so much for being transparent. I’m printing this for future reference. You expressed, so eloquently, the emotions and feelings you have when losing a spouse. God bless the next steps of your journey.

    Posted 7.20.20
  31. Cathy wrote:

    Thank you for sharing your feelings so openly. My mother was widowed at the age of 59, after 38 years of marriage. One of the things I admire about her most is how she has managed to build a meaningful and fulfilling life for herself afterwards. I don’t think it was easy and she did not want to depend too much on her children. Just living alone was a huge adjustment. A circle of close friends was very helpful.

    Beth, you are such a positive person, I think you will do well.

    Posted 7.20.20
  32. Nelda Pattillo wrote:

    Grief seems to come in waves in the beginning. As you take this journey, one day you are able to remember all of the good times with a smile. It is a difficult journey for all!

    Posted 7.20.20
  33. Milka wrote:

    Beth, I lost my spouse, 48… eight years ago. It’s very hard for Me, because we planning another life for us, our sons have a his own plans. His death was a sad surprise.

    Posted 7.20.20
  34. Diane OSullivan wrote:

    I am grateful to you for sharing your heart with us. I lost my husband of 35 years last May and the first year was like being on unsteady ground. I made choices for self care and allowed myself to feel all the feelings that came my way. It was also a year of firsts- dealing with life’s questions, house challenges, probate, my daughter’s wedding on my own. I now feel confident that I can handle what home ownership will throw at me!

    I speak to him each day. I miss his smiles and undying love. What a gift I can carry each day.


    Posted 7.20.20
  35. Adrian wrote:

    Dear Beth,

    I know exactly how you feel the same thing happened to me,
    So here i am trying to keep house, cleaning, doing the washing ironing two cats to support retired and need my wife, best friend, lover to enjoy my retirement.
    One has to press on and make the best of it, your video’s and fashion shows really cheer me up, thank you.
    From Adrian. xxx

    Posted 7.20.20
  36. Pat wrote:

    Brave girl (woman- lady). Putting your heart in writing for others to read. I am sure you will never know how many you have helped walk a like path. May peace become a companion.

    Posted 7.20.20
  37. Meg wrote:

    Beth, this was beautifully said. You are strong and able, and yes, maybe a different person. But in your heart you are still you. Take time and do whatever you need to. So glad you have some family in Athens.

    Posted 7.20.20
  38. Ali Fraser wrote:

    Well said, Beth. All my best wishes coming your way.

    Posted 7.20.20
  39. Margaret wrote:

    Praying for you.

    Posted 7.20.20
  40. Kelly wrote:

    I only started following you after your husband’s passing but have been so inspired by your positive, can do attitude. You probably are not always feeling that way but you certainly project it, especially through things like your knee surgery and this pandemic. Thank you for this thoughtful post. Prayers to you and all who’ve lost loved ones.

    Posted 7.20.20
  41. Karen Jimenez wrote:

    Beth, I’m sorry for your loss and sorry for the pain you have to go through. I lost my son almost two years ago so I know exactly how you feel. He was only 40 years old. Anyway I love this story and the pictures you shared, your so real and the pain you feel the loss can be seen in the pictures not very many people would be willing to be that vulnerable to the public and I think it makes you such a wonderful person to be able to share this side of you with your subscribers it’s very personal and you let all these people in whom you don’t really know I hope God blesses you with a wonderful life from here on out I’m sure he has something wonderful instore for you, it will come in his time.

    Posted 7.20.20
  42. Deborah wrote:

    Beth you are very brave😊

    Posted 7.20.20
  43. Stephanie Fedoroff wrote:

    Thank you for sharing with us Beth. My heart is aching, as it should be.

    Posted 7.20.20
  44. Suzanne Kerr wrote:

    What a beautiful testimony! What a beautiful couple! I am so very sorry for your loss.

    Posted 7.20.20
  45. Kim wrote:

    “Grief isn’t linear”. Probably the most profound thing I’ve heard in a long time. Am working through my own grief after losing a parent. Not the same as losing a spouse and not unexpected, but it still stings. Thank your for sharing your thoughts and process of navigating your way through the “firsts” and beyond. Peace be with you and yours.

    Posted 7.20.20
  46. Janice wrote:

    Beth, this is a great article! I admire the way you have continued with your blog and mentioned Mr. Style occasionally. I fear losing my husband. We both have had health issues of late and It is scary! Since having a stroke in August, depression has been terrible Seems like thinking of the future makes it worse! I am going to keep this article to remind me that I CAN get through anything with God’s help! God bless

    Posted 7.20.20
  47. Roberta wrote:

    Hi Beth, You state so eloquently how the loss of a husband affects every aspect of our lives. It’s been three years this month for me. The pain is not as sharp but, as you said, I so miss his companionship and our shared history. For me revisiting my faith in God has helped me heal . Thank you for sharing these very personal thoughts with your readers.

    Posted 7.20.20
  48. Mary Lou Muncy wrote:

    This past year you have continued to inspire us to look better, dress better, improve our home spaces, and recover from a major surgery. What an accomplishment during a pandemic! However, as you take the time and courage to reveal your milestone inner journey, you are offering a hand to those who need to feel better. Thank you.

    Posted 7.20.20
  49. Hang in there. Sending good thoughts your way. xoxo

    Posted 7.20.20
  50. Michelle Dann wrote:

    Beth, my heart hurts for you. I know how difficult it is to continue when you see others still coupling! I lost my husband 16 years ago this thanksgiving.

    Yes you don’t feel as numb but the craziest things still pull at your heart!

    Family and friends are great to lean on but you continue to reinvent yourself and we all do it at our on pace.

    May God continue to sustain you with his grace and love.

    Posted 7.20.20
  51. Barb wrote:

    What a beautiful and inspirational post. Thank you so much for sharing your journey so eloquently.

    Posted 7.20.20
  52. Nadine wrote:

    I understand. It has been almost 2 years for me. We were both 64. He was gypped out of 20 years of his life due to a rare thyroid cancer. Several things have been hard for me. One of them is making big decisions, whether it is a big financial decision or whether or not to buy new carpet. The other thing has been loneliness, especially with this pandemic. I get tired of eating alone. Couples don’t ask me to join them for dinner. Often I just feel invisible. I think you do get used to it, but some days are very long. I was just starting to build a network of single people when this pandemic started. I golf and I spend time with my school-age granddaughters, but I am alone often.

    Posted 7.20.20
  53. Sylvia Espinoza wrote:

    Beth, you sharing your heart about your personal grief will hopefully soothe your spirit as well as that of other widows. You were lovely when Mr. Style was alive, you’ve been lovely in the year since the end of his earthly journey, and it’s certain you’ll be lovely in the days ahead. We’re out here praying for you and your family. Be blessed~

    Posted 7.20.20
  54. Leslie Alexander wrote:

    BRAVA, Beth! A fine piece of writing, a great tribute to your husband and a heartfelt expression of your grief, your commitment and your connection with your followers. Stay strong. Be well.

    Posted 7.20.20
  55. ROBYN Mixon wrote:

    Wow, Beth. This really hit home for me. My beloved husband and best friend passed away 6 months ago, so I’m right behind you. Photos and memories of all our times of joy and just living as a couple are in my heart and mind. And covid-19 added a strange element to the mix–forced acknowledgement that I am alone–not lonely –but far more separated from my usual social activities and personal contact. Happily, I am an artist & that expression helps and keeps me focused some of the time, my support system has been wonderful and I’m enjoying your blog and other contacts–long walks, tv shows, reading, dining simply. It is an adjustment and I too, will never lose the love we shared.

    Posted 7.20.20
  56. Lynda Fallon wrote:

    It was so kind of you to share your personal feelings words and kindness that give us insight…blessings to you and your family

    Posted 7.20.20
  57. Linda wrote:

    Beth you never stop being an inspiration ,talking and sharing your personal experiences of grief and what it brings. Mr Style still with you giving you the strength to carry on in all you do. X

    Posted 7.20.20
  58. Donna wrote:

    Thank you so much for writing so beautifully about the loss of your wonderful husband. I know from the loss of my beloved mother 28 years ago that it does get easier but missing her has never gone away. Wishing you peace, healing, and happiness on your continued journey through life.

    Posted 7.20.20
  59. Val wrote:

    So very sorry for your loss…Your words beautifully describe your love for him. I hope it gets easier for you.

    Posted 7.20.20
  60. Elizabeth Brown wrote:

    Thank you for this heartfelt, wonderful article about grief. You have no idea how much this will help others keep going in life’s darkest moments. ❤️

    Posted 7.20.20
  61. Kate Burke wrote:

    Dear Beth
    Thank you for your post today. I lost my husband of 46 years last month and I am venturing through this time confused and grief stricken. I so appreciate your honesty about going forward and how it will be something I will do on my own with the help of family and friends. I especially want to thank you for saying I need to take care of myself because that is not what comes to mind initially. I hope I can follow your lead going forward. Your blog is brilliant and that is because you are a true gift inside and out. God bless you. Kate

    Posted 7.20.20
  62. Mrs Julie Mycock wrote:

    Hi Beth, I knew the first year for Mr Style was going up and I was thinking about you. My friend lost her husband in April this year and she will be going now through all the firsts, so we are trying to be there for her despite not being able to physically see her because of the virus, but we do Skype.
    Thank you for a heartfelt post, it certainly bought a year to my eye. Stay strong and stay safe, you are much loved by everyone, lol Julie from England xoxo

    Posted 7.20.20
  63. Jackie Zimmerman wrote:

    Beth, my heart hurts for you of the loss of the love of your life! You are truly an amazing lady. Beautiful inside and out! Thank you for sharing your beautiful love story with us. Sending blessings and prayers.

    Posted 7.20.20
  64. Sue Coombs wrote:

    Hi Beth,

    I think you have done amazingly well, my dear husband passed away 5 years ago June, as you say you hope yo grow old together and that was not meant to be, we have to learn to live a new life which is hard, to find a new purpose. You have continued to look fabulous and inspire us all! Our dear husbands will live in our hearts and I believe mine is still around me, but in spirit. Your Mr Style must be so proud of you! Sending you warm wishes, Sue x

    Posted 7.20.20
  65. rosalie frawley wrote:

    sorry for your loss, I hope your doing well, I see you are busy with this blog, which helps. My situation is a little different, we moved here NC from NY, and I desperately miss my family, our kids and grandkids, I have been trying to cope with the change but we decided to move back east. We are retired and in our 70’s, and family is the most important thing to us. You mentioned your son moved closer to you in Georgia and I know you are happy about that, Good luck with everything.

    Posted 7.20.20
  66. Pamela wrote:

    Beth, that was so beautifully expressed. The king of my heart lost his battle with cancer three years ago. Each year has brought new challenges and new adventures as I build a solo life. A friend shared this quote with me that really resonated with me, “great grief is the price of great love”. I’m sending prayers and warmest thoughts to you.

    Posted 7.20.20
  67. Mary wrote:

    Thank you for sharing your personal struggle on grief. I’m a fairly new follower of your Blog so had no idea your loss was so new. Your inner strength inspires me as does your way of embracing life. Thank you for that

    Posted 7.20.20
  68. Thank you for such a heartfelt and important share. I continue to wish you well on this new journey.

    Posted 7.20.20
  69. Carolyn wrote:

    Beth…What a beautiful post. You are one of the lucky ones to spend 36 years with the love of your life. Loss is a hard journey…just when you think you’ve got it, it comes and hits you in the stomach again. You sound really healthy and informed on grief. Education is a powerful tool but doesn’t hold your hand when you are sad. The distancing we must adhere to right now doesn’t make it easier either when you need hugs from your friends. I have loved getting to know Kelly and your son. Continue being gentle with yourself. Hope you know how much you are cared for. Your blog kicks!! Sending love and positive energy to you.

    Posted 7.20.20
  70. Lynne wrote:

    It’s 8 months today for me after 34 plus years I suddenly lost my husband. At 57 it’s unimaginable to be in this position so I so relate to everything you say here. I pray that your healing continues as you accept your new normal. Someone told me right after his death that no matter how you look at it, it totally sucks… and I so agree with that.

    Posted 7.20.20
  71. Lynn Forbes wrote:

    Big hugs, Beth. You are strong and soft and insightful and lovely all rolled into one. As long as you take tiny steps forward, you will figure it out.

    Posted 7.20.20
  72. Carolyn wrote:

    You are doing an amazing job of thriving! And thank you for sharing as you have no idea how many people will be helped by reading this….regardless of the type of loss they are grieving. Thank you. There is so much joy and love evident in the photos you share. I hope that those happy memories are with you each day.

    Posted 7.20.20
  73. I am so sorry. I can’t imagine how this COV19 has been for you. You are a beautiful lady and hope you find happiness in other things in your life.

    Posted 7.20.20
  74. Karen Johnson wrote:

    Beautifully worded. Your honest and heartfelt commets will help you —-plus I’m sure many others as they navigate loss. I recognize the strength it took you to share. Kudos. Hugs to you and the family.

    Posted 7.20.20
  75. Diane wrote:

    Thanks for sharing. I watched my mom go through this when my dad passed away after 58 years together. I have a friend who has just begun her journey without her husband 6 weeks ago. You have good insights and advice.

    Posted 7.20.20
  76. Rose wrote:

    Beth—Beautifully said and I’m sure very hard to publish. I lost my husband of 15 1/2 years to cancer in 1992 at the age of 42. I was 37. In one of our heartfelt discussions a few weeks before he passed, I said to him “There’s never a good time to die.” “No matter how many years we have together, it would never be enough.” No one truly understands the magnitude of what you have gone through the last year. People say time heals, but I disagree. You just learn to live with your new normal and I didn’t like it. The pain does lessen but never fully goes away and you’re a changed person forever. The experiences in my life—living with a husband with cancer, death and grief has made me a stronger and more empathetic person. The key is to allow yourself grace and keep a positive attitude. I once heard on Oprah (and I don’t remember who the guest was) “Pain and suffering are inevitable. Misery Is optional.” That had such a profound affect on me. As much as I was suffering because every aspect of my life changed forever, I forged through and chose to not be miserable. Of course I had low times. I found it difficult to be widowed at a young age and the support groups I attended helped, but I was definitely the minority.
    I was blessed to have loved and had a wonderful marriage to a great guy. Many couples are not happy and can’t say that. For that I am grateful.
    Seven years after my husband passed, I was introduced to a widower thru my friend/his cousin. I was very cautious and insisted on going slow. I wasn’t jumping into anything and if it was to be serious, he had to be very special. We dated 3 years and did marry in 2002. I feel blessed to have had two good relationships. I tell my husband they would have liked each other and I could see them being friends.
    So, Beth—I wish you peace. You have a good attitude and making the best of every day. That’s what is important. Be open to possibilities and the love from others. Take care. Sending much love and a virtual hug.

    Posted 7.20.20
  77. Cheryl wrote:

    Dear Beth,
    You’ve written one of the best essays on death and grieving that I’ve read. Thank you for your honesty.
    May each day be a little easier for you. Sending hugs.

    Posted 7.20.20
  78. Chris wrote:

    I, too, lost my husband of 55 years last year. While it’s easy to wallow in grief, at those times I tell myself that Bob would want me to go on being the woman he loved. After the first year of firsts, I most miss the intimacy, having someone hold my hand, hug me, walk with me, kiss me, just have someone care about me. It’s hard, but we keep moving forward.

    Posted 7.20.20
  79. Eve Pavesich wrote:

    Just want to say, I am a widow of 10 years now. I was married for 36 years and your life does change overnight. All your dreams and plans are gone.

    Just be patient, it took me 4 1/2 years to take off my wedding bands. The first shock to me was at Social Security when they told me I was no longer married. I was so hurt by that statement.. I did survive it too.

    Anyway,, I just want to wish you well on your journey. Our husbands will forever be in our hearts.


    Eve Pavesich

    Posted 7.20.20
  80. Henrietta wrote:

    There are no words to convey how deeply sorry I am for your loss. My heart goes out to you and your family. Thank you for sharing your journey. I am praying for you all. May God be with you always.

    Posted 7.20.20
  81. Rory wrote:

    Lovely post. I will be praying for you. Thank you for sharing.

    Posted 7.20.20
  82. Lillian wrote:

    Hello Beth,
    Thank you for writing your personal thoughts of grieving. After losing my husband June, 2019 (from cancer) this last year has been a challenge for me. We have to be strong and go on the best we can. Keeping busy is a must!
    All the best to you.

    Posted 7.20.20
  83. Sandra Smith wrote:

    Thank you for this moving post Beth. I have thought of you and how you are dealing with the loss of your husband every time I read your posts. You have looked a little sadder in your pictures this past year. I also have a husband I love who is very ill and I know I will be where you are all to soon. My thoughts are with you today.

    Posted 7.20.20
  84. Karen Landis wrote:

    What a gift to love and to be loved well! Thank you for being real about loss, and willing to expose tenderness. Praying for strength, healing, joy, connection and purpose for your life!

    Posted 7.20.20
  85. Arna wrote:

    Such heartfelt and powerful words and emotions. May you continue to find love and to find new experiences with your family and friends.

    Posted 7.20.20
  86. Alison wrote:

    What a beautiful and moving post, Beth. Thank you for trusting us with your heart. Much love to you and your family.

    Posted 7.20.20
  87. Kristine wrote:

    Such a beautiful couple <3 Thanks for sharing!

    Posted 7.20.20
  88. Edith (Edie) Brown wrote:

    Thank you for sharing yet again your insight and thoughts. You continue to be an inspiration to many of us with the way your express your emotions and willingness to share them with us. I hope it gets easier for you. Mr. Style will always be with you and, I am sure is smiling knowing that you are moving forward. Our thoughts and prayers are with you!

    Posted 7.20.20
  89. Judie wrote:

    Thank you, Beth. What a beautiful and moving post. Make me cry … 😢
    So very sorry for your huge loss. My heart goes out to you. Take care.

    Posted 7.20.20
  90. Lisa Neihouse wrote:

    Thank you for sharing your sentiments and heart I have walked a very difficult path this past year – different from yours. It was a very painful divorce. A 20 year abusive relationship that I stayed in due to my now 18 year old son. Your column has been very uplifting to me this past year. I thank you!

    Posted 7.20.20
  91. Suzanne Doherty wrote:

    Dear Beth,
    You share your heart in such a profound way. Your heartfelt words about your marriage are an inspiration to many.
    You are so right. Love never dies.
    God Bless You for sharing your courage and wisdom.

    Posted 7.20.20
  92. Shelly wrote:

    Well said, extremely insightful and helpful. Xoxo

    Posted 7.20.20
  93. Holly Zuver wrote:

    Dear Beth, I too was widowed and the two year mark will be October 10th. I read your post and I completely identify with your struggles with grief. Grief is a mean but necessary companion. At the first year mark I also decided that I needed to start making moves forward. In this second year I have joined hiking groups, bought a kayak, joined a gym and started yoga. It really has been a journey but it’s starting to feel good, this rediscovery of myself. I admire your grace through this process and wish you all the best. If you ever need an ear, please just email me. Best regards, holly zuver

    Posted 7.20.20
  94. DebbieJo wrote:

    I’m so sorry for your loss and get it. It’s a void that just seems to always be there. There are no words to ease the sense of loss and sometimes it just comes out of nowhere and smacks you hard. Thank you for sharing. Sending kind thoughts your way.

    Posted 7.20.20
  95. shirley siegel wrote:

    Thank you for sharing dear Beth.
    You are in my prayers and my heart.

    Posted 7.20.20
  96. dorothy wrote:

    Dear Beth, your open heart and willingness to share your journey are so helpful on many levels. Thank you for continuing to inspire us all. Have been wondering for quite some time as to how your husband became “Mr Style?”

    Posted 7.20.20
  97. Lindsey Akin wrote:

    Beth, what a beautiful and poignant post. Mr. Style was so clearly one of the most defining people in your life, and your relationship one of your most significant (along with your children and I imagine parents).

    A suggestion if I may, in your plan for the next year to be one of discovery and moving forwards. Perhaps in honor of those 36 years, you could come up with a list of 36 things you want to do or try. Activities or excursions. One for every year that you had together. It is a way of recognizing the long and happy life you had together, and when it comes to the end of the list, another point of closure to signify this different chapter of your life.

    And I hope this is not impertinent to say, but from the way you have written about Mr. Style, both in this past year and before that, I think he would be so proud of you and impressed by your strength and resiliency in this past years journey and your plans for the future.

    Posted 7.20.20
  98. Sandi wrote:

    I think you said it perfectly. I wish you contentment through your journey to find new ways to be the you are now.

    Posted 7.20.20
  99. Dulce Harris wrote:

    I’m so sorry for your lose. Praying for you my friend.

    Posted 7.20.20
  100. Barbie wrote:

    That was a very from the heart and honest post I just read. You have done an outstanding job this year by standing brave and being a very good roll model from other grieving spouses. My prayers are with you at this time.

    Posted 7.20.20
  101. Cathy wrote:

    Very well said! Lost my hubby of 34 years, on New Years Eve while we were at the movies!! I’m still in shock and taking things, 1 day at a time!! What you expressed, I relate to! Thank you for putting it in words! Be blessed!!

    Posted 7.20.20
  102. Valerie wrote:

    Hi Beth, first time commenting on your blog. I must admit I have had a difficult time following you this last year, because behind all of the smiling pictures, I knew there was grief, and I desperately wanted you to say something about it. I also realize that we all deal with things differently. I would have been sharing every desperate, tragic, thought I had, but that is just me. I probably would have lost followers because I was too open about it. I now realize there is no right or wrong. Thank you for today’s post, and letting us know how you are doing. Prayers for continued healing for both you and your family.

    Posted 7.20.20
  103. Brenda wrote:

    Love you and love your posts. Thinking of you and sending positive energy and prayers your way.

    Posted 7.20.20
  104. Bev wrote:

    Your honesty and strength is an inspiration, Beth.

    Posted 7.20.20
  105. Barb B wrote:

    Thank you for such an honest and beautiful post, thinking of you and sending you love—looking forward to seeing what the future holds for you. xoxo

    Posted 7.20.20
  106. Cathy wrote:

    Hi Beth. I know this has had to be a very hard year for you and being shut in so much with Covid hasn’t helped. They say you can’t get over grief, but get thru it, and I guess that’s true. It sounds like you have a good plan going forward, and I’m sure Mr. Styles is so very proud of what you’ve done so far. Thanks for these words to help others too.

    Posted 7.20.20
  107. Joann Nixon wrote:

    Thank you for sharing. I am truly sorry for your loss. Keep on doing what you are doing. I think you are winning.

    Posted 7.20.20
  108. Anita Clemens wrote:

    I think of you often and wonder how you are doing without your husband by your side. I just celebrated my 37th wedding anniversary in July and I can’t image life without him/Jim. I do know about grief, when my mother passed a few years ago, I inherited a lot of her furniture and other household items. Sometimes when I would look at them, I would feel so overwhelmed with loss, I would get nauseous. But as the years pass, I get less overwhelmed and try to remember how lucky I was to have a wonderful mother. But loosing your husband and partner is so different. I dated Jim off and on for 10 years prior to our marriage. My whole life is shared memories with him starting in college. I would be a mess without him. I will keep you in my thought and prayers.

    Posted 7.20.20
  109. Barbara Wright wrote:

    What a poignant tribute to your precious husband and your former life with him. Blessings to you as you move forward and heal.

    Posted 7.20.20
  110. Francesca B. wrote:

    Sending my respect and support to you Beth, thank you for posting such a private journey. Lovely pictures of the two of you, and your handsome husband. What a beautiful couple.

    Posted 7.20.20
  111. Eileen Cassidy wrote:

    Dear Beth , Thank you for sharing your most personal thoughts. It was so eloquently written , My heart goes out to you , you are an inspirational lady . God bless you and your lovely family xxx

    Posted 7.20.20
  112. Debbie von Bergen wrote:

    Such a brave and lovely piece of writing, I think it has wisdom for all of us. my thoughts and prayers for your future

    Posted 7.20.20
  113. Mary wrote:

    Thank you for the gracious and heartfelt post. Blessings as you journey on.

    Posted 7.20.20
  114. Thank you for sharing. I lost my husband in March and have thought of you often and how you have navigated the past year. I so relate to so much that you shared. It is hard work but God is faithful.

    Posted 7.20.20
  115. Kathysue wrote:

    Oh Beth,
    I wish so badly that you did not have to experience what you are experiencing. I also wish I did not understand exactly what you are talking about. I think of you often and pray for peace in your life. Grief is definitely the unwanted companion. I’m cheering you on my friend. Much Love,

    Posted 7.20.20
  116. Hello Beth, Your article today about grief really hit home with me. Twenty years ago, I lost my husband of 33 years to cancer. I still miss him every day. I was miserable for 7 years. Then on day, I said, “That’s enough!” and I worked on improving my life. Now, I think about all the happy times my husband and I had together. It was just the two of us with no children, and we did everything together. Both our families live far away in other states. I am thankful I had a full-time job to keep my mind busy after my husband died. I worked a lot of overtime so I wouldn’t have to go home to an empty house. Yes, it hurts to lose the one you love. As time goes by, the pain gets less and less, and you begin to realize how fortunate you were to have such a wonderful person in your life. Surround yourself with uplifting people and keep yourself busy doing things for others. It will make them happy and then you will find that you are happy too. Beth, I am so sorry for your loss, but he is not forgotten. Keep the memories of him alive by talking about him to anyone who knew him. I promise your second year will be easier than the first one. Diana

    Posted 7.20.20
  117. Mickey K wrote:

    I am sorry for the loss of mr. style and can’t believe it’s been one year.
    Know you are in my thoughts and prayers.

    Posted 7.20.20
  118. Teresa wrote:

    Thank you for sharing your personal journey and feelings. It is so caring and helpful as we are facing the nearness of the death of my Mother. So sad! My heart and prayers go out to you. I love your blogs, your style, your daily inspiration, but I love you even more for sharing your personal grief. Take care, continue to evolve, and I’ll continue to send you love and prayers!

    Posted 7.20.20
  119. Susan Ehrenkranz wrote:

    My beloved husband died almost two years ago- your words truly resonate with me. So much sorrow and so much joy!

    Posted 7.20.20
  120. Jan wrote:

    Thank you so very much for sharing this beautifully written piece on grieving, loss and the uncertain road ahead.
    You will triumph in your search and your life will be richer and more peaceful because you are willing to move forward with anticipation and expectation for happiness once again.

    Posted 7.20.20
  121. Sylvia James wrote:

    I am a widow too! I feel your pain. I am going on 15 years now and it lit like yesterday. I was 44 with children. So scared. Today I am strong and brave. I think I am ready to start a new relationship. But at this age it’s hard to start over. Love your website ❤️

    Posted 7.20.20
  122. Anna Rowe wrote:

    Hi Beth Dear,
    I myself had a loss and did grief group counseling at my church It was helpful.
    I have friends that loss their spouse also
    This year that were very faithful and loving marriages
    I pray for them often
    As I will for you.
    Take care always

    Posted 7.20.20
  123. Mary wrote:

    Oh Beth…Thank you for sharing your heart with us. Your loss is immeasurable, but so is the love you and Mr. Style shared. Sending love to you.

    Posted 7.20.20
  124. Linda wrote:

    Thank you Beth, you have put into words that truly describes what I have been going through, I lost my husband of 47 years, six months ago, to cancer. I have been following your blog for the past three years, loving your fashion and then your experience and travels, and now your new journey. You give me confirmation as to what it is I am feeling and trying to figure out what is next. thank you.

    Posted 7.20.20
  125. Sharyn wrote:

    Dear Beth : Thank you for this post and sharing your journey so candidly. I feel your pain as I too lost my husband of 34 years last year. I am so thankful this pandemic did not happen while he was ill. I kept busy after his passing which helped and also booked a few dream trips that we had hoped to take together. Sadly those have all had to be cancelled due to the pandemic. I will always miss him but am filled with deep gratitude for the life and love we shared. Thank you for the part you played in brightening my days.

    Posted 7.20.20
  126. Eleanor wrote:

    I too loss my husband after a 37 year marriage. The first year is just doing what you need to do each day. The 2nd year gives you more reality and as you stated, you know he won’t walk back through the door. You are right your life changed quickly. Everything is different. But with work on our part we do get through it. Will always have that hole in our heart though 💕💕

    Posted 7.20.20
  127. Eve wrote:

    One of my greatest fears is having to move on without my husband. He always says he wants to go five minutes after I’m gone so he will always be there for me. I don’t believe you ever get over losing a loved one but you do get through it. You really have no choice but having a small support system who shares that loss with you means a lot.

    Posted 7.20.20
  128. Jeanine wrote:

    Beautiful, touching and true – thanks for sharing.

    Posted 7.20.20
  129. Sangita M wrote:

    Dearest Beth,
    I grieve with you as I too am traveling down the same road as you, only 6 months behind. Thank you for this post, as hard as it was to write, you have helped me and many others I am sure. You have been an inspiration and blessing in my life and in this journey….I wish you all of God’s blessings moving forward. You are always in my thoughts and prayers….

    Posted 7.20.20
  130. Mary C wrote:

    Dear Beth, thank you for this incredibly moving, searingly honest post about your journey this past year. I have wondered many times over the year how you were doing. You have moved forward bravely and very humanly. It’s a wonderful to have a loving, supportive family and a group of friends to lean on. Know that all of us who follow you daily are supporting you as well with our thought and prayers.

    Posted 7.20.20
  131. Hattie Clay wrote:

    Thanks for sharing your loss and love. Bless you

    Posted 7.20.20
  132. Kathleen wrote:

    My husband died unexpectedly on February 20 of this year – four months and three days after we got married.

    I ALREADY lived a fulfilled single life before him. At 55, the thought of having to do that again, and for the rest of my life, is unbearable.

    Doug and I were robbed of our happily ever after, and I’m sure I’m far too bitter about that to ever be able to do more than just kill time waiting to die and go with him.

    Posted 7.20.20
  133. Angelica wrote:

    Completely resonate with this, as my family has also endured multiple losses this year. It will never be the same but I hope you find happiness again! Still lots to be grateful for.

    XX Angelica

    Posted 7.20.20
  134. Suzanne wrote:

    Beth, I’m so sorry for your loss. I lost my husband of 35 years, three years ago. Time does help heal the pain and loss. Sometimes what gets me through a rough spot, is just being grateful for the wonderful marriage we had and the precious memories I will always hold dear to my heart. Again, so sorry for your loss, will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

    Posted 7.20.20
  135. Annette Bartlett wrote:

    Gosh just reading this pulls me up short. How easy it is to think that things will carry on as before and how wrong that is. I’ll make sure I appreciate what I’ve got whilst I’ve got it. Take care and well done for articulating so well your feelings

    Posted 7.20.20
  136. Lin Scouten wrote:

    Beth, it takes a strong woman to pour her heart out to your adoring fans. By doing so, it gives courage to one who might need it. I watched my mom walk your walk when she was just 52, and I learned so much about grief and how crippling it can be. God bless. I am praying for you, and know this is not something anyone can fix for you. Thank you for sharing what’s on your heart.

    Posted 7.20.20
  137. Janice wrote:

    Thank you for sharing this personal story of grief, learning to deal with it & moving on the best way you can. We are the same age & I’ve thought about you so many times this past year & how you must be coping with the loss of your beloved.
    My husband received a double lung transplant (in 2016) in the nick of time after being diagnosed with IPF just the year before. He’d always been in perfect health. But as I watched him deteriorate before my eyes, I felt complete frustration that I couldn’t save him. Thankfully an angel donor came his way (B- blood) & saved him. The Vanderbilt doctors said he’d have been dead within a month without it. But the fears I went through were agonizing & I can only imagine your pain. I dreaded the day & didn’t know what I would do after 39 years with him & then to deal with the passing & grief. Thank you for your brief summary of what you went through. It prepares some of us for the inevitable. I think ‘gypped’ was the perfect description of the way I was feeling at the time. While I’m so grateful my spouse is still with me, I want you to know your story has been sooo helpful & I send you love & prayers for peace & comfort. Your a beautiful woman and an inspiration. Thank you again for your real & insightful story.

    Posted 7.20.20
  138. Kimm wrote:


    Thank you for sharing your heart. You have handled this great loss with strength and grace. May the Holy Spirit continue to give you comfort on those tough days. God is with you, always. Your sons are an enduring reminder of the great love of your life. Blessings to you and your sweet family.❤️

    Posted 7.20.20
  139. Beautiful words. Glad you are being easy on yourself. Love the pictures of you and Mr. Style. Glad it is well with your soul.

    Posted 7.20.20
  140. Cindi wrote:

    Thanks for sharing! I’m in year 4 of widowhood. YUP! I’m a new me. I identify with you. Blessings! Some people move on faster than others. I did GriefShare and it helped. The void hasn’t gone away. I fight it!
    Blessings to you as you are on a new journey.

    Posted 7.20.20
  141. Claudia wrote:

    I send prayers for you as you have grieved through this first, sad,difficult year. I have a dear friend who lost her husband of over 40 years in May.Your words echo what we have been saying to each other. I consider it an honor to be on her team of support as she tries to move forward. I am hoping you have friends and family to walk this journey with you.Be well; be strong as you move forward.C

    Posted 7.20.20
  142. Mr B Davey wrote:

    I can identify with this entirely, my Wife of some 51 years passed away after a long struggle with leukaemia on the 29th of March this year I was suddenly flung into a myriad of emotions the of of denial was prominent each and every room I went into I was convinced she’d be there.
    I still haven’t gone back into the marital bed I sleep (as and when I’m able) in another part of the house, today was our anniversary and as I stood at the graveside with my daughter the words of a friend came to mind, that you’ll never forget it just becomes somewhat easier to deal with, here’s hoping 🤞

    Posted 7.20.20
  143. Leila wrote:

    Thank you for sharing your personal journey. It is very meaningful to me. I love seeing photos of you and Mr. Style.
    I read and enjoy all of your posts!

    Posted 7.20.20
  144. Lori wrote:

    Thank you for sharing this journey that you didn’t choose with us. God bless you and your family.

    Posted 7.20.20
  145. Suzanne wrote:

    Beth, thank you for your very honest comments about dealing with grief. I cannot begin to imagine what you have gone through this year. You are an inspiration to so many of us and I appreciate all of your efforts at getting on with your life after an incredible loss.

    Posted 7.20.20
    • Maria Dowd wrote:

      Thank you for sharing this deeply painful and emotional part of your life. You are a very brave woman and I sincerely admire your strength! God bless you and your family!

      Posted 7.20.20
  146. Roberta wrote:

    I, too, lost my husband of 42 years in 2019. I often told him he was the most loved man ever. I wrote to you when he entered hospice in Oct. 2020 to tell you how your posts about mr. style’s battle with cancer had been
    a great help to me in struggling with this chapter in our lives. I miss him everyday. I was deeply moved by your beautifully written post today.

    Posted 7.20.20
  147. Carole wrote:

    So sorry for your loss and the struggles of the past year. I lost my husband to cancer 15 years ago and I think of him every day. But you choose life and learn to live with and yes even
    Like the new person you have become.
    I wish the best for you in this new journey.

    Posted 7.20.20
  148. Tracy Lawley wrote:

    Thank you for sharing such a deeply personal post. I pray that you and your family find comfort.

    Posted 7.20.20
  149. Catherine pires wrote:

    I cried when I read your article. I hope your road gets easier and you find some kind of peace with your new life.
    Kindly your

    Posted 7.20.20
  150. Christine Waters wrote:

    Just read your blog about the loss of your husband. I am so sorry. I lost my dearest friend, lover, husband and pal 18 years ago and I still miss him so very much.

    I believe we have to count our blessings: what a great thing to have been happily married and to have shared so much. Not a lot of people can say that.

    My best wishes for your continued healing. You’re doing the right thing–staying creative and busy. Your husband would approve.

    I enjoy your blog a lot! Thanks!

    Posted 7.20.20
  151. Kelly wrote:

    How beautifully you expressed this! Thank you so much for sharing yourself with us. God bless you, dear sister.

    Posted 7.20.20
  152. Barbara wrote:

    Such a timely post for me. My husband died on July 2 after 60 years of marriage. It is a strange feeling being only one. I am so grateful for my children and grandkids. But onward to the future the Lord has for me.

    Posted 7.20.20
  153. )joy wrote:

    I’m in my third year of grief. It’s difficult, and I’ve found that grief is similar to an ocean wave. So sorry for your loss.

    Posted 7.20.20
  154. Diane Sargent wrote:

    What a wonderful photo of the two of you as youngsters ! ❤️❤️❤️
    My first year as a widow just ended also.
    It was everything you describe. I felt like I was on a different planet or a country where I couldn’t understand the language. Everyday was raw and hard.
    Every experience felt new and different, and not in a good way.
    I understood better the old tradition of wearing black for a year…as a cue to others that you aren’t yourself.
    I didn’t do that. I wish I had.
    Things do get better, or softer.
    We will make it
    Many hugs…..

    Posted 7.20.20
    • Lily wrote:

      I’m Italian and I remember the widows who wore black for the rest of their lives. It’s summer and black is hard to find. I’m thinking about shopping.

      Posted 7.20.20
  155. Rosa McMillan wrote:

    Thank you for sharing. I lost my husband 7 months ago to liver cancer. Your thoughts and outlook gives me understanding and purpose.

    Posted 7.20.20
  156. SUSAN wrote:

    Beth, You made Mr. Style so happy and proud in life and memory. You words are so powerful and inspiring. Your sons and family are so lucky to had Mr. Style and to have you in their lives. God bless you for sharing! Keep smiling for him.

    Posted 7.20.20
  157. Cindy wrote:

    Your thoughts and words are bringing many tears to my eyes as I just lost my husband of 32 years in February. I am coming up on a 1st also. August 19, 2019 he wasn’t feeling well, we went to emergency and after many hours of waiting and thinking it wasn’t anything we couldn’t handle, he is diagnosed with an aggressive brain tumor and 6 months later he passed away. He was so strong Going through radiation, chemo and more, doing everything he could to beat it, going through so much, but he had no chance unfortunately. We kept hoping for a miracle. My heart is also broken and my feelings are exactly as you have had and are having. Thank you for sharing. I am SO sorry for your loss and I know how much pain it brings. I too must now learn how to live without the love of my life.

    Posted 7.20.20
    • Robin Frances wrote:

      Exactly what happened to my husband of 32 years. Glioblastoma. I just put one foot in front of the other and keep walking. Our lives will never be the same.

      Posted 7.20.20
      • Cindy wrote:

        Robin Frances I am so very sorry for your loss! Glioblastoma is horrible! I am trying to manage but you’re right our lives will never be the same.

        Posted 8.7.20
  158. cathy ogi wrote:

    When growing up, I was in a Baptist church. Good in many ways. When I came to Japan to live, I found myself in a charasmatic/pentacostal church. Was like this was what I was searching for all my life. So alive, my faith was growing-in my life everyday. I asked Jesus to come into my heart at the age of 14, to fogive my sins, I repented, asked him to be Lord of my life. I know Heaven is mine. I am so glad you felt cherished. It is even better than loved, I think.

    Posted 7.20.20
  159. Beth, I wrote earlier but I really have faith that you will absolutely grow and flourish in new ways as you move forward as a single. It will be scary but you will handle it.
    Bless you.

    Posted 7.20.20
  160. sharon wrote:

    Beth you said it all so eloquently. I lost my husband 21 years ago and a second loss of a significant other 7 months ago. You lose a piece of your heart. You were a beautiful couple.

    Posted 7.20.20
  161. marilyn bornstein wrote:

    Dear Beth,
    Thank you for sharing your deepest feelings. We, your very real though virtual girfriends, support you.


    Posted 7.20.20
  162. Lynn wrote:

    So sorry for your loss.

    Posted 7.20.20
  163. valerie taylor wrote:

    First and foremost I must say what a courageous woman you are and I too appreciated your thoughtful insights. May I also add that after losing our son I realized shortly thereafter that if I lost my husband I…would….never….recover. Because of this I became very frightened and after some thought decided that I needed a “B” plan. What would I do? I would do some of the things that married life did not allow – some travel to a desired destination and a cruise, as my husband has no desire to travel. For me married life is everything but I do believe that a “B” plan can help us overcome some, perhaps even a little of our grief.

    Posted 7.20.20
  164. Lily wrote:

    My husband of 47 years passed this May, two and a half months ago. I’m trying to be a good and productive widow. I’m still in shock and somewhat numb. I can’t talk about next year, or next week. Treading very lightly.

    Posted 7.20.20
  165. Sheila Porter wrote:

    My heart breaks for you. I wonder daily how I will manage without my husband.

    Best wishes.

    Posted 7.20.20
  166. Jacqueline wrote:

    Firstly I love your Blog you are such an inspiration Ive been following you since your knee replacement and would never have known about your loss until todays blog you carry yourself so well and look stunning . I think you are doing a wonderful job and keeping your self stylish above all your going through I’ve had 3 friends loose their husbands over the last year and haven’t known how to help them, feeling guilty because I still have my wonderful partner. You have pointed out to me how much they need support so thank you and I hope you have support beside the virtual kind .Again thankyou and you are doing well.

    Posted 7.20.20
  167. Beth B. wrote:

    Beth – I’m fortunate to still be sharing life with my husband of 50+ years. I have a friend, though, who lost her husband and best friend, best companion, a few months ago. We live far apart and she’s dealing with quarantine as well as being a new widow. What does she need from me? Is there anything I can do from afar to help other than keeping in touch? Thank you for your beautiful post.

    Posted 7.20.20
  168. Lisa wrote:

    You are an inspiring woman. Thank you for sharing your personal journey.

    Posted 7.20.20
  169. Maria j Johns wrote:

    Give yourself some grace. My mom lost my dad at 49 years of marriage. He loved her so…….
    It took her nearly 3 years to come out of the fog. Take your time and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise!!!
    Prayers that we are here to lift you up!!! Be strong……lean on those that you love.

    Posted 7.20.20
  170. Carroll Niesen wrote:

    You two were blessed to have experienced such an exceptional relationship!

    Posted 7.20.20
  171. Gwen Marie Ewing wrote:

    That was very moving Beth. I could feel the pain of loss with your words and the glimmer of hope for a happy life in the future. I am 62 and am married 40 years. It must be like a punch in the gut to lose your spouse. You’ve done well this year and have given all of us who follow you a sparkle of happiness in our lives as you keep blogging! All the best as you keep navigating your different life❤

    Posted 7.20.20
  172. Lisa wrote:

    What a heartfelt and raw post. I truly admire your vulnerability in sharing with the rest of us. Please know you are encouraging others with your words and your actions. Please also lean on the people God has gifted into your life for this season. They are there to help carry the physical, spiritual and emotional load.

    Posted 7.20.20
  173. Lee Wilson wrote:

    Your words are inspiring, Beth. You are strong and brave. Wishing you blessings and all the grace in the world.


    Posted 7.20.20
  174. Sonia Kehoe wrote:

    Beth thank you for sharing such a beautiful and intimate look at your journey. You have touched on insights that are gained only by a loss as great as yours. Your words provide a foundation for the realities of loss and the road of renewal. You deserve all the happiness that I know will be blessing you in the next year and beyond.

    Posted 7.20.20
  175. Deborah wrote:

    May God walk with you, Beth.

    Posted 7.20.20
  176. Amy Linsell wrote:

    So well put. My heart goes out to you. Stray strong and keep putting one foot in front of the other. I think Mr. Style would be proud.

    Posted 7.20.20
  177. A beautifully written heartfelt piece. Thank you for sharing your thoughts, Beth. Your love shines through your words. I am so glad you are willing to try new things and take steps to heal your grief. Take care.

    Posted 7.20.20
  178. Nancy wrote:

    What a moving post, thank you for sharing your heart with us. Sending you much love and light.

    Posted 7.20.20
  179. Melinda wrote:

    What a beautiful expression of your feelings. You are in my thoughts and prayers. God bless you.

    Posted 7.20.20
  180. I have been reading your blog for several years now. When you posted the loss of Mr. Style last year I cried. This post was also so heartfelt and sweet. I do not know your daily struggles but I wish you the very best. One foot in front of the other.

    Posted 7.20.20
  181. Robin Frances wrote:

    I lost my husband a little over 2 years ago. Everything you said could be describing my experience. Sometimes don’t you still ask yourself, did this really happen to us? I do believe he watches over me still.

    Posted 7.20.20
  182. Rianna Brown wrote:

    A beautiful and honest post which touched my heart and inspires me.

    Posted 7.21.20
  183. Cath wrote:

    Thank you for your honesty and sharing your heart with us all. You’re a brave and courageous women. Praying for wisdom and peacefulness as you make new and amazing discoveries as you move step by step forward.

    Posted 7.21.20
  184. Carolyn wrote:

    Beth-Thank you for sharing something so raw and personal. I’m 49 years old, and I too am facing a year of firsts after being widowed in April. I feel the heartache of losing Jay every single day. I know I’m extremely blessed to have had met my soulmate and loved so deeply.., I find solace in knowing that our time here on earth is very short in comparison to our everlasting eternal life.. and that one day I will be reunited with my true love. That helps me to more forward in the new chapter of my life.

    Posted 7.21.20
  185. Cecilia Marie Thomsen wrote:

    Thank you for sharing your grief and for touching all of us. I will continue to keep you in my prayers.

    Posted 7.21.20
  186. Susan Pasquali wrote:

    Beth, I was so touched by your words in your post yesterday. So much so that I was there 5 years ago. My husband passed away 6 years ago from metastatic liver cancer.I identified with those “first year” markers. And now further in the grief process I’m learning how to live in ways that I never anticipated. Each day is gift, to be lived no matter how I feel. I’m learning each day can have purpose. Early on, I chose to participate in a support group called Griefshare…..a faith based group that many churches support.
    And now today, knowing life will never be the same again, God has a plan. I can say with you Beth, “ it is well with my soul”.
    I discovered your website during that first year after my husband passed away. I look forward each day to seeing you. Thank you for fashion expertise!

    Posted 7.21.20
  187. Suzanne Smith wrote:

    Beautifully said. It is definitely a process… Our lives become intertwined with that other person, and you can’t just throw all that out when one person is gone. I hope the pain diminishes as you go along. I’m sorry you’re having to experience any of it. My husband died at 50, and I never ever dreamed I’d outlive him. Part of loving someone is this possibility, and I guess we all risk that possibility when we join our lives with another person, but it’s never easy when it happens. You’ve been brave “showing up” every day, and I hope the new normal becomes peaceful for you. Virtual hugs, Beth.

    Posted 7.21.20
  188. Linda Tylians wrote:

    “What does not kill us makes us grow stronger” – after a rocky 25 marriage I divorced amicably and determined to be alone forever, with many strong lessons learned. But Life has a way to show us options. I met another man, and although he was a Type 1 diabetic, we married and hoped to live a happy life for many years. After ten years, early one morning close to Christmas he had a fatal hypoglycemia episode and heart attack in bed, and I was grief stricken as you are. But I grew stronger. I shaped a year alone with working on contract, volunteering and trying to make a difference in other’s lives. Two years after I became a widow I accidentally reconnected with an old friend – a very respected supervisor from a previous contract – who wanted to take me out for a coffee! After three years we married privately in Hawaii at a quiet beach as the sunset glowed. Life gave me lemons and I have turned them into my own brand of lemonade. I am happy and satisfied again because like you, I love being married. Honor the past, enjoy the present and remember, you can’t make the journey if you don’t see the bend in the road. I wish you future happiness and great health. Hugs to you from Canada.

    Posted 7.21.20
  189. Arina D. wrote:

    I lost my husband of 52 years on March 7th.
    Have been following your blog for years.
    Your post yesterday gave me a lot of support.
    Thank you.

    Posted 7.21.20
  190. Connie Myefski wrote:

    Dear Beth,

    You are going through this very difficult time with such strength and grace. You are really an example for all.

    Every time I see your daily post I wonder how you are doing with your loss. Thank you for sharing your journey.

    Connie 🙏

    Posted 7.21.20
  191. Gail Bell wrote:

    What an eloquent, heartfelt message that speaks to so many who share the pain of great loss. Next week will mark the 2nd year since my husband’s sudden passing, and your words touched me like no other’s have. Thank you for bearing your soul and sharing your journey.

    Posted 7.21.20
  192. Susan wrote:

    Hello Beth. I am one of your many followers. I’ve never posted, but I suspect there are many people like me who look forward to your many fashion insights. Of course dear Oscar and Ollie add a smile to my Fridays. Even my dear husband knows to expect an update each week when I tell him about “Mrs. Oscars’s mom”. But this year has been especially poignant. Those of us of a certain age understand the power of a long love. Although I never knew him, I grieved for the loss of Mr. Style. Your grace and strength have been moving. I am writing today to let you know that your posts have a greater reach than you may know. God bless you and your family.

    Posted 7.21.20
  193. Anon wrote:

    Grief is about honoring love. It is honorable work.

    Posted 7.21.20
  194. Lisa Combs wrote:

    How brave you are to share your journey of grief with us! Such a tender and personal thing. How comforting to see you successfully navigate this walk with (or before) many of us will be called to do. And somehow, because you are making it one day at a time, we, too are reassured that we can do hard things. One day at a time. God bless you and comfort you as you encourage many and show us a graceful way to walk through even great challenges.

    Posted 7.21.20
  195. Pat wrote:

    Thank you for sharing such a personal journey. It was clear that you were part of a happy marriage and partnership. I wish you much grace. Anne Lamott, one of my favorite writes, writes, “I do not at all understand the mystery of grace — only that it meets us where we are but does not leave us where it found us.”

    Posted 7.21.20
  196. April wrote:

    So sorry for your loss.I Iost my daughter to breast cancer Dec 7 2015, we had 42 years together. I am still trying to move on. A month after the funeral I joined a taichi class (because I had never done it before and would have to concentrate and not zone out) going 3 days a week and walking at the track the other days. I committed to being there at 8am every morning, because I knew if I stayed in bed, I would never want to get out. It helped take me away from the pain for an hour each day. The acceptance get better but the missing seems to get worse. Now with the quarantine being stuck at home, I was feeling so lost. My granddaughter and I started using her old video Wii game–Wii fit plus. I only do a half hour everyday but it helps. Always give yourself permission to fall apart, just don’t ever stay there. Wishing you comfort when your heart is breaking and peace when you’re feeling overwhelmed. We must honor our lost loved ones by living fully, after they fought so hard to live.

    Posted 7.21.20
  197. This is such a heartfelt outpouring and I can’t imagine being able to manage my feelings if I was in your position.
    You are so inspiring in every way and I hope with all my heart that you continue to heal every day.
    Hugs and love to you. From Australia.

    Posted 7.22.20
  198. Pamela Avery wrote:

    Many years ago I found the quote below. It has eased the pain just a little at a time of loss.

    “Sorrow Is Not Forever, Love Is”

    Posted 7.22.20
  199. Andrea wrote:

    Please know, as you move forward in your new life, that thousands of us world wide are holding you close in our hearts. Those that pray are continuing to do so for you. You are single, yes, but you are not alone. You are still loved and still cherished. The number of comments here will confirm that. You are a strong, vibrant woman with so much to give. Air hugs, dear friend.🧸

    Posted 7.23.20
  200. Shelli wrote:

    Beth, I applaud you with your strength & perseverance. I lost my husband 5 years ago and am still struggling. In this day & age it’s all about couples & people can’t understand why I don’t want to date. When you’ve had the love of your life what do you do?

    Posted 7.23.20
  201. Susan wrote:

    Oh Beth, I am so sorry, from my heart. 💔

    Posted 7.23.20
  202. Anne wrote:

    Hi Beth – I just learned about the passing of your dear loving husband. I am so sorry for your loss and I send you my sincere condolences. Mr. Style will always be in your heart and look after you no matter what. Wishing you peace and sweet memories to carry you forward. All the best to you and I thank you for sharing so much of your life with your viewers.
    Take care and stay safe,

    Posted 7.23.20
  203. Victoria Reggio wrote:

    I’m fairly new to your website and because of the craziness of our world, I haven’t read all your blogs. This one caught my eye and deeply moved me. I am very sorry for your loss and thank you for your candor. Grief is such a personal process and I hope that being a subscriber is a small way of showing support. God bless you and your family.

    Posted 7.23.20
  204. teresa dean wrote:

    I am so so sorry for the loss of your husband Beth. My heart goes out to you. Thank-you for sharing. X O

    Posted 7.23.20
  205. Dear Beth,

    Thank you from the bottom of my heart, for sharing this heartfelt insight. into your grief journey. I am facing grief to come, with a hubby of 44 years who has terminal cancer and renal failure. This insight gives me some hope of a life beyond this death I am facing. I am a leadership/women’s issues blogger with a reluctant desire to share my journey. It’s hard to know what is undersharing. or oversharing. Thanks for sharing about leaning on others too. I will certainly take that to heart.
    blessings to you as you begin your 2nd year journey,
    Alison Ward

    Posted 7.23.20
  206. josephine wrote:

    Beth,You are an amazing women.i have been following your blogs and admired you every step of the way and now you are sharing your loss with us all.Thank you for trusting may the good Lord give you strength to go through this difficult period of your life.

    Posted 7.23.20
  207. Tracy wrote:

    It truly sucks when you loose your much loved partner in life. My husband died very unexpectedly so there was also the shock to deal with. It has been a little over 2 years and I must say it is only now that I am starting to adjust to my new “normal” Life does go on, our hearts will always ache and miss our loved one but it does get easier and a little better with time….you are doing fabulously well!!

    Posted 7.23.20
  208. Jackie Thomas wrote:

    Dear Beth, thank you for sharing your life story and your heartfelt words! May the God of all comfort continue to bless and comfort you in the days and years to come.

    Posted 7.24.20
  209. Eileen wrote:

    Thank you so much for sharing. What a beautiful couple. Talk to him every day! He’s listening. Looking at his handsome face, I’m sure he is saying, “Do not grieve. I’m right beside you.”

    Posted 7.24.20
  210. Jenine wrote:

    Beth, Im so sorry for your loss. I know that does not always make it easier. I never lost a husband but did lose my son while he was in the Army. It was the hardest year of my whole life. We “manage” but then I think we do get stronger, because life has to go on and they would never want us unhappy.
    Hugs to you, Jenine

    Posted 7.24.20
  211. Liz Tylki wrote:

    So very sorry for your loss…my husband died very suddenly in July 2018.. As you’ve said it is a long journey to figure out what life will be and who I am now as a single.. Best of luck on your journey. Thanks for sharing your story.

    Posted 7.25.20
  212. Nancy wrote:

    Beautifully and thoughtfully written. Sharing your feelings will help others who are also experiencing grief. Thank you for sharing. God bless you now and forevermore.

    Posted 7.25.20
  213. INESPERENYI wrote:


    Posted 7.26.20
  214. Shelagh wrote:

    I lost the only man I ever loved 3 months ago after almost 52 years together. Reading your posts has given me a great deal of comfort. Thank you.

    Posted 7.28.20
  215. Cheryl wrote:

    Well said Beth. Thank you for being transparent in sharing your most personal feelings and thoughts. You never know who needs to hear this and how it helps them through a similar situation. Grief is personal… and different for everyone. I like how you said you are giving yourself space and grace. Much wisdom there. It is also comforting to hear it is well with your soul. Hugs & prayers dear Beth! Cheryl

    Posted 7.29.20
  216. Cat wrote:

    Thank you for writing this. As someone that has recently had to deal with a loss, its helpful to hear that I/we can make it through. Thank you.

    Posted 7.30.20
  217. Theresa Lasek wrote:

    Hi. I really enjoy your blogs. I’m 65 and had a knee replacement one year ago. I’m doing fine, but just trying to lose the 15 pounds I gained over the last couple of years. Good luck in your journey, and I love seeing the pictures of you and Mr. Style. I love seeing your outfits and your home and hearing about your life (and doggies). I like to dance and have been married to my husband for two years. I am a semi retired nurse and Ron and I like to dance in our spare time.

    Posted 7.31.20
  218. Marie wrote:

    Thankyou for writing this I am at the 21 month mark of this same journey and so much of what you say still applies. It’s one day at a time & one challenge at at time. Living & working( we owned our own business) for 37 years as a we now suddenly a me is forcing a lot of days of self discovery Your thoughts have reminded me to just keep moving forward
    Thankyou. Marie 🤗🙏💐

    Posted 8.2.20
  219. Mildred Valle wrote:

    You have been an inspiration to me. May God give you the happiness to continue enjoying each day of your live. I live in Puerto Rico and we have been struggling with earthquakes, Covid 19 and last week with a storm (the city I live was the more affected, 11 inches of rain), but every day I thanks the Lord for His blessings .ake care and thanks for “Style at certain age.”

    Posted 8.3.20
  220. Carol Murray wrote:

    Beth, 15 years ago on August 1, my husband lost his battle with cancer. We had 43 wonderful years together and I cherish the memories of those years and carry them in my Heart.
    I still miss him and each night while laying in bed I talk to him and tell him that I love him.

    Sending hugs to you!

    Posted 8.4.20
  221. Jan wrote:

    You are truly a writer. this article was so well put. I wish you well on your journey and thankful you had such a happy marriage.

    Posted 8.5.20
  222. kathy wrote:

    I love your website, I’am 66 and sure don’t feel like it, but sometimes when I look in the mirror it is my reality lol. I just read your post about Mr. Style and it broke my heart for you. i have been married for 46 years to the love of my life, and I worry about one day one of us having to live alone . We met in 8th grade and that of course being so young we had no idea where it was going to take us, but take us it did , we were married at 19 and been together sense have 3 wonderful children and their spouses and grandkids we enjoy. reading your article was such a good thing for me to read, it gives hope where you think there will never be any, one thing you can be sure of you had a wonderful man and years together , a lot of people never experience that and he is shining down on you daily. My prayers and heart goes out to you,

    Posted 8.5.20
  223. Grief is always there. It may be vocal some days and silent others, but it is always waiting fo that moment. It is 41 months since my husband of 56 yrs passed and I am still trying to find my me. I retired in 2016 at age 79. He died early in 2017 at 78 on my birthday. Age 80 is a reflection time, but I wish he was here to do it with me.

    Posted 8.6.20
  224. Judith Butler wrote:

    You have written the most beautiful, honest, truthful words. My mom was widowed young (60). I felt her loss as well as my own acutely. Now that I’m older than she was a great fear my friends and I have discussed is when you love being married and your spouse is your one true, trusting friend to fill that void must be excruciating. I’m praying for you and appreciate your sharing such a profound personal loss.

    Posted 8.8.20
  225. Debbie Brown wrote:

    I am in the same boat. However my husband passed away 2 years ago, July 7.
    You did a great job verbalizing it all.

    Posted 8.8.20
  226. Lori wrote:

    Thank you for sharing. I truly appreciate it! I am very sorry for your loss!!!

    Posted 8.9.20
  227. Marilyn Morphis wrote:

    I have just recently found you and I am so happy that I have. I love your style and strive to do as you teach. I am a widow time two so believe me I understand your grief. Please continue to teach us your grave and beauty.

    Posted 8.13.20
  228. Janice Lavoie wrote:

    Wow….I cant stop thinking about this post. Its real, it raw and its so true. Sending you courage and the hope that you have peaceful moments each day. Be well.

    Posted 8.13.20

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