what i learned after thirty-five years of marriage

what i learned after 35 years of marriage

what i learned after 35 years of marriage

what i learned after 35 years of marriage

august 6th is a very special day in the djalali family. back in 1983, this is the date the djalali house was established. like clockwork when the calendar rolls around to the sixth of august mr. style and i throw on some special duds and celebrate our anniversary. this year marks number thirty-five. considering i remember when i turned thirty-five it’s definitely a number to be reckoned with. it has substance and longevity. forgive me if i tear up for a moment remembering our wedding day, but there were so many smiling faces celebrating that special day that are no longer with us. i’m certain the same holds true for you. if we’ve walked this earth for any number of years, we’ve tearfully bid farewell to loved ones. like my dad who battled cancer when wedding preparations were in full swing, and he walked me down the aisle. what a handsome fifty-year-old he was with glints of silver streaking through his hair. no one would have guessed the health woes dealt with this man if you weren’t personally acquainted with him. until the bitter end, he was always the picture of vitality and strength. in the back of my mind, i always thought he just might beat this disease. i’m pretty sure the same thoughts swirled in his head too – we were so alike in so many ways. and my mother who stood by his side looking as beautiful as ever in an up-to-date knee-length dress of her choosing. a white hat perched on top of her head. then there was my nana, white hair coiffed in her typical ‘do’ doling out advice and giving me a smooch on my lips every chance she had. a smile spread wide on her face lined with wrinkles. how i loved each one knowing my love was returned in full measure.

it’s funny, but after thirty-five years no one remembers when the djalali’s weren’t a family of five – mr. style, me, alex, andrew, and christian pulling up the rear. but at the beginning, it was just me and mr. style venturing out on our own. we weren’t necessarily kids at the time of our nuptials. mr. style was thirty-one, and this girl was just about to turn twenty-five. but take a look at those baby faces that went out into the world with only a hope and a prayer.

what i learned after 35 years of marriage

some say marriage should be split fifty/fifty. sounds fair, doesn’t it? honestly, who wants to tackle an overflowing basket of laundry on sunday night? or make that overdue dentist appointment? hire help if it’s in your budget. not only does it spur the economy but there’s one less thing on your to-do list to hassle over. but there’s rarely a time when life is evenly divided. with chores or anything else. sometimes the load weighs in at eighty/twenty, other times thirty/seventy. and there are those rare occasions when it’s one hundred to zero. life has a way of throwing a curve ball any time it wants – three strikes you’re out. having a partner by your side through thick and thin is far more important than who’s washing the dishes on any given night. through the years mr. style and i have weathered life-threatening diseases, promotions, job losses, surgeries, births, award ceremonies, selling homes, buying homes, car accidents, baseball games, soccer parties, blizzards, tornadoes, and typhoons. let’s not even talk about teaching our boys to drive, handing over the keys to the car, or college tuition… but then college graduations soon followed, and we knew it was worth every penny. life is good for richer or poorer, in sickness and health, to have and to hold, until death do us part.

what i learned after 35 years of marriage

so what’s the secret to a happy marriage? well, to begin with, happiness is a feeling that comes and goes at will. love is a verb and based on commitment. so choose love over happiness. and never stop dating. that’s right, mr. style and i have been going out on dates every week for thirty-five years.

what i learned after 35 years of marriage

remember, you’re on the same team. mr. style and i have very different approaches to life, but we have the same common goals. remembering that we’re a team and that teams work together helps get us through our differences. and teammates always have your back!

what i learned after 35 years of marriage

fight fair. be respectful and never ever take a pot shot in the heat of the moment. words can be forgiven but never taken back.

what i learned after 35 years of marriage

sexy is as sexy does. what’s better than watching your husband brave a torrential downpour, climb into the car and drive within an inch of where you’re standing? now that’s what i call sexy.

what i learned after 35 years of marriage

enjoy things on your own. and let your partner have their own interests too. you’ll both be far more interesting because of it. mr. style loves to play golf, and i love to read.

what i learned after 35 years of marriage

sex is important. not only does it release endorphins that make you feel fantastic, sex improves your mood, relieves stress and calms you down. according to studies, sex helps you look younger. it’s not just your imagination, ladies; you really do look better after having sex. your skin glows!

what i learned after 35 years of marriage

dress | shoes | similar handbag | similar earrings | bracelet | lip shade darling

take care of your appearance. it’s easy to let your looks slide at any age let’s face it there are so many competing priorities for our time and energy. or we may even think it sounds shallow. and, no, you don’t have to look like helen mirren when you flop on the couch at nine pm, and it’s time to wrangle with the remote control. but there’s something bigger at stake. when we look and feel our best, the world notices and so does our husband.

what i learned after 35 years of marriage

learn how to agree to disagree. respect each other’s differences. it’s what makes the world go round.

what i learned after 35 years of marriage

don’t try to change your spouse. the only person you can ever change is yourself, and that’s a full-time job and then some. accept your partner exactly as they are.

what i learned after 35 years of marriage

stay flexible.

what i learned after 35 years of marriage

say thank you. and don’t forget to laugh – at life, at yourself, at each other. laughter doeth good like medicine.

what i learned after 35 years of marriage

a big thank you to the talented Chloe Enos Photography for these amazing photographs. if you live in the Atlanta area and in need of a photo shoot, please check out this talented woman. just sayin’!

and a bigger thank you to mr. style a.k.a. mak. together we’re makbeth (he loves to share that intel at cocktail parties). this is the man behind the camera on any given day at Style at a Certain Age. and my partner in crime for thirty-five years and counting. happy anniversary!

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  • Allie at Wardrobe Oxygen
    August 6, 2018 at 8:46 am

    Oh I love this post, Beth! So great to see Mak in front of the camera, you two make a gorgeous couple. Happy anniversary!

  • Anne - Music and Markets
    August 6, 2018 at 8:49 am

    What a marvelous post – love seeing the two of you! Congrats on 35 – we’ve just passed 45 and agree with all your wise words! Wishing you decades more of love together –

  • Cathy Biscaia
    August 6, 2018 at 8:50 am

    Happy 35th Anniversary to you both! With lots of best wishes for many more!!!

  • Lisa Kornhaus
    August 6, 2018 at 8:54 am

    Lovely photos. Great advice! Happy Anniversary!

  • gd
    August 6, 2018 at 8:58 am

    Congratulations to you and Mr Style! I wish you many many many more years together. Great advice! We will be married 37 years this Sept. We were young when we married (he was 20 and I was 19) and only knew each other 6 months – but we knew it was love (as a verb as you said – NOT a feeling). God has been first and foremost in our lives next to our commitment to each other.

    And I LOVE all the pictures! Made me smile – a lot! 😊

    Again … congratulations and here’s to many more… 🥂❤️🎂💐

  • Sophia Britner Montgomery
    August 6, 2018 at 8:59 am

    At almost 32 years of marriage, I appreciated your history and thoughts. Sad that in this day, 35 year marriages and marriage in general, are an anomaly. Best wishes to you both.

  • Elise
    August 6, 2018 at 9:02 am

    Oh Beth,

    These pictures are so lovely! Happy Anniversary and may God continue to bless your endearing marriage.

  • Beth Duke
    August 6, 2018 at 9:15 am

    What a wonderful post! Thank you for sharing!

  • StillBlondeafteralltheseYEARS
    August 6, 2018 at 9:26 am

    Major Congrats to you. So smart to capture this day in this way. What a handsome man and such a lovely couple.

  • Cheryl
    August 6, 2018 at 9:46 am

    Happy Anniversary!
    I love this post. What you write about marriage is so true. We celebrate 36 years on the 14th. And it just keeps getting better.
    Here’s to 30+ more, for us all!

  • Mary Grogan
    August 6, 2018 at 9:51 am

    Thanks for such a wonderful post on marriage.

  • Crystal DosReis
    August 6, 2018 at 10:00 am

    By far my most favorite post of all time on your BLOG. Such lovely photos and such an incredible testimony to the power of love in marriage. I am saving this post to share with my young adult and teen children who are getting closer to joining in union with their own loves. Marriage can be crazy challenging at times but the joy and love involved is so worth it! Happy Anniversary❤️

  • Janice Harper Jones
    August 6, 2018 at 10:07 am

    Congratulations! Happy anniversary! I loved this post. It says it all for anyone with a great marriage! We are working on 47 years. Oh, by the way the pictures are outstanding! Thanks for sharing!

  • Candy Thomas
    August 6, 2018 at 10:24 am

    Happy anniversary!

  • Carol Mckay
    August 6, 2018 at 10:37 am

    Happy Anniversary, Beth and Mr. Style! And thank you, Beth, for sharing the work about the FASTer Way to Fat Loss. I’ve just finished 6 weeks and have signed on for 6 more weeks. Carol

  • lovely778
    August 6, 2018 at 11:40 am

    What a handsome couple. He could be a model Too! Happy Anniversary, I also love to hear when two people last as long as you both have.

  • Rebecca Saffer
    August 6, 2018 at 11:46 am

    Happy Anniversary to you and Mr. Style. How delightful to see him in front of the camera! Your post is filled with such wonderful advice (really on most aspects of life) and you both have continued to grow more beautiful with time.

  • Judi Hume
    August 6, 2018 at 11:51 am

    Happy Anniversary! What a great post! You guys look so happy together! This was a great day brightener!

  • Sharon White
    August 6, 2018 at 12:08 pm

    Thanks for sharing such personal moments. Behind every great woman is a wonderful man! Big year for you, Beth. Don’t you have a landmark birthday coming up soon, too.

  • Cynthia M
    August 6, 2018 at 12:10 pm

    I agree with all you said, Happy Anniversary. We just celebrated our 56 th and I just don’t know where the time went,,, it seems like yesterday.

  • Cynthia Peterson
    August 6, 2018 at 1:19 pm

    Love this post, Beth. On Aug. 3 my husband and I celebrated our 46th anniversary. You two look so happy and elegant.

  • DriftwoodLover
    August 6, 2018 at 1:30 pm

    beautiful post Beth! Happy anniversary!

  • Lorena Lorena
    August 6, 2018 at 2:53 pm

    Oh what a beautiful post, you two look dashing – may you celebrate many more anniversaries.

  • Linda De
    August 6, 2018 at 3:00 pm

    Wow, Beth🌹 Thank you for sharing the fun and wisdom, too! I can see why you call him Mr.Style. He’s very handsome and a stylish and good dresser. Happy Anniversary!

  • kim
    August 6, 2018 at 3:01 pm

    Happy anniversary! I love your dress and accessories. So great to see Mr. Style, loved this post…good advice for all 🙂

  • Anette Storstein
    August 6, 2018 at 3:44 pm

    Wonderfully written. Thank you for sharing your wisdom and congrats from Norway!

  • Darlene B.
    August 6, 2018 at 3:56 pm

    Happy Anniversary!!! Wishing you many many more!
    Such a wonderful post with so many insights into a long marriage, thank you for sharing.
    We will celebrate 33 years in a few weeks and can relate to so many things you mention, especially the 50/50 topic.
    Cheers to the two of you!

  • Monica Hennessy
    August 6, 2018 at 3:57 pm

    Love this! Such great advice. Never stop laughing too. The one piece of advice my mother gave me was to marry a man who makes you laugh — it will get you through a lot of hard times. Thanks for sharing your relationship — loved getting a glimpse of the dashing Mr. Style!

  • Stephanie Pyles
    August 6, 2018 at 5:03 pm

    What a great milestone you are celebrating together! Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us – I couldn’t agree more with everything you said. Happy anniversary & may you & Mr. Style share many more in the years to come!

  • Kathysue
    August 6, 2018 at 6:35 pm

    Congratulations to you both. You make a very handsome couple. Loved hearing about your life together. It sounds to me like you found the perfect formula that works for you both 👍💙

  • Sharon
    August 6, 2018 at 8:10 pm

    happy anniversary to a good looking couple.

  • Miranda Gsponer
    August 7, 2018 at 2:24 am

    Great Description of a good marriage! Congratulations from Switzerland. Miranda

  • Mariana
    August 7, 2018 at 9:28 am

    Happy anniversary to both of you!!! Looking gorgeous together!

  • Andrew Brod
    August 8, 2018 at 7:39 am

    Very very happy anniversary, you are the cutest couple, looking very lively god bless you both.
    https://www.collectoffers.com/tw/zalora

  • Dawn
    August 9, 2018 at 11:18 pm

    Happy Anniversary! I don’t think I’ve commented here before, but I’ve been reading awhile. This is a lovely, lovely post. So embarrassing when you’re so happy for complete strangers. 🙂

  • Prosperity by Renata
    August 12, 2018 at 7:40 am

    Happy anniversary to you both! It’s a beautiful post Beth, I had tears in m eyes. <3

  • Maria
    August 19, 2018 at 3:02 pm

    Beautiful pictures and very wise words. Happy anniversary!